Dawning of a New Day: Post Mortem

About three years ago, I recorded a gospel album. It was the year of the rollercoaster for me. I had begun wearing some 'brave new shoes', I announced that I was recording this album and a few weeks later, decided to speak my truth in regards to some other matters. And I was not prepared for the fallout. I liked the edge, but I didn't necessarily like the price that came with having the edge. But. I had made the decision and I was rolling with the punches.

I recorded the album live in Nashville. Friends and family from all over came for it. It was an incredible two days of synergy and connectivity. We were so very excited about it. We began working on preproduction. We started a few months after the recording and began fixing background vocals and adding horns and strings. Some keyboard overdubs. Typical production stuff.

Then in January of 2008, a new friend and teacher entered my life and she asked me if I was ready for my life to unravel. Like my fictional ID, Maeve, I took the hard and dangerous path and said yes. She recommended that I read Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Matthew Fox, Hildegard of Bingden, Rudolph Steiner and a series of other mystics. As I read, I found myself disenchanted with more Christian based ministries, including inclusive ministries, as I found myself craving something that had more of an interfaith bent.

In just a few weeks, my personal life began to take a new turn. By June, I was a mess. A broken heart blended with other personal relationships falling apart and ending left me at what felt like a dead end street. Career-wise, even if I had felt like singing, it appeared to be over. Gigs had dried up and I had this gospel album basically completed, that I could not complete for monetary reasons.

Or I should say, reasons that I thought were montetary.

So in December, I moved to NYC, still holding this album in front of me, thinking that it was to be my next full length release.

And then my journey took me further. Several of the seers in my life said that they felt that there was an ordained time for the project and that there were other things to be accomplished before this album could see the light of day.

I agree with that. But I also feel, now, that theologically, I am miles away from where I was even when I recorded this album. While I was talking with a Christian author friend the other day, I realized why this album may never be released. I am an unabashed person of interfaith. I love Jesus. I love Isis. I practice Buddhism. I see the value in every walk...and to try and fit inside a box of religion that is intolerant of those from other walks is arrogant and silly.

So, today, I am putting 'Dawning' away and am preparing myself to write and record something that speaks my heart from what it beats now. Maybe it will see the light of day in 40 years. Who knows? But it is no longer a priority...or even a dream of mine. There is sadness in that, but also an odd burst of hope...that there is a fresh message...a new layer to be unpeeled in this onion that I seems to get closer to the core with every transition.

There's a call to us all.....