it is what it is

It has been a long time since I've really written. I've toyed with some lyrics and I've worked some on my fictional work, but it's been almost two months since I really focused and let the muse speak. It's been hard to find that space. Between preparing for shows, handling the SOULKISS bookings, working a part-time job and maintaining my relationships, it has been challenging to just drop it all and create.

When Elizabeth and I were in Nashville, I was reminded of how many stories there are to tell...and how many great storytellers I know. I also realized that there is a part of me that guards them....that holds them close....that wants to save them for those who gain access to the holy of holies...that sacred space or circle, if you will. I realize that that is selfish...that the stories are meant to be, as my mother once sang, given away...freely. So I'm working on that.

I have also been contending with my continual back and forth/love-hate relationship with this life: this gypsy life. I have lived the past 9 years of my life living to sing. There has been, virtually, no other focus. My one attempt at living my life outside of the song was disastrous...and was honestly the reason I moved to New York and made the decision to go for it. This is it. Now or never. And it has been a successful time. And I see it gaining momentum every day.

It is the moments outside of the song that are difficult. Those are the moments that are, quite honestly, hard to live. Those are the moments that feel loveless...incomplete...languid. I find comfort in knowing that most of my heroes have lived and felt this way. In the song, I am. period. In the song, none of the things that concern me outside of the song exist: It doesn't matter than I am single. It doesn't matter that I am where I am financially. The spirit overtakes all of those things and for those 90 minutes that I/we are on stage, we transcend it.

And then when it is over, I crash. I am reminded that it is what it is. And I have to contend with it.

Probably not the most encouraging blog, but I always feel compelled to be truthful and to be honest. I'm not a showbiz kinda guy. This is real. This is what it is. I think every creative person has, at least momentarily, felt this way. So this is me sharing.